dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
