The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
