My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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