I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
