I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
