my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
