I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
