so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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