Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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