I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
