Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
