He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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