Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
