apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
