my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
