The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
