I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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