she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
