tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
