I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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