i think my tv is drunk
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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