whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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