Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
