went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
