so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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