I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
