your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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