Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You made out with two different species that night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
