How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
