It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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