i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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