No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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