do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I FOUND THE LEGS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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