Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
