I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
