when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
