bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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