Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
