So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
