Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
