i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's blow job season.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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