Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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