it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
