He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize