okay pat passed out under dana's car
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
