would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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