if i can run in heels then i can drive
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize