I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
