What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize