the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is my gift to your gina
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
