That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
