I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
