garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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