Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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