what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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