I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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