I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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