I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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