dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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