Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
