i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
