tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
