I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
