someone get that fucking seahorse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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