so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
