soooo we both peed the bed last night...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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