i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
