You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
