life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
