I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
