By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
