ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
