Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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